My name is #1129038. I've been incarcerated for 13 years now, but this is also my third time in prison. I was sentenced to 55 years to serve in the Virginia Department of Corrections. However, even though I have to do 85% of my time, I was still able to find true happiness during the course of my incarceration after seeing my two sons for the first time. The reason why that moment was so special was the fact that I was going through a deep depression after being accuse, and fund guilty of murder. It was a huge blow, because the kind of person I am made me question why this was happening to me. It devastated me so bad that I was traumatized for a while. I acted out with violence and malice for every little thing that someone said or did to me. I didn't care about nobody but myself so I kept going back and forth to the hole, because I was mad at the world. Every time I would go back there it just so happen that my family wanted to come see me or they came to see me but couldn't get in. My foolishness was becoming a burden on them, because they were wasting time and money traveling up the road for nothing.
Every time I went to the hole all I did was work out and write, until one day the counselor came in to check on me and gave me a pamphlet on relaxation and meditation. I already knew how to meditate but for some reason I felt more connected with the step-by-step program that was on the paper. It showed me how to control my emotions by relaxing and allowing my mind to be at peace. It also showed me how to focus only on the things that truly matter to me like what I loved and what I wanted. It was breaking down the laws of attraction.
I started dedicating at least two hours a day following each step of meditation to the point I started to feel myself becoming peaceful. Whenever a C/O (correctional officer) tried to discourage me, I just smile and ignore them. It felt so good because I was becoming more and more humble to myself and others.
Ninety days went by and I was released back to GP (general population). I called home to tell my family but they didn't want to hear it because, to them, I was never going to change. They were disappointed in me knowing I was getting too old to keep making the same mistakes. They lost faith in me so I had to earn it back. I got a job and started going back to school in order to maintain a stable adjustment. For about 5 months I stayed completely out of trouble and, to be honest, I couldn't believe it myself. I felt much better inside and out because it felt healthier being humble rather than being upset. I guess my family saw the change in me as well because I got a letter out of the blue saying they were coming to see me the first Saturday of that month. I was a little nervous at first because I was so used to messing things up for myself. I knew I had to break that cycle so I started doing everything I could to stay out of trouble.
I was now prepared to see them but when I walked into that room for the first time and saw my sons run up to me yelling "Daddy!" it was nothing I could do to stop the tears of joy from streaming down my face. I finally got to see my sons who I knew loved me as much as I loved them. They even beat me up to express their true feelings because words could not describe it. Their mother wanted to express her pain as well, but our reunion was too special to have ruined that moment with anger. So we just enjoyed our happiness and the time we got to share with each other. Of course, I got the lecture at the end but I deserved it and took it like a man.
Basically, I had to be the change I wanted to see. Sometimes it takes the love of someone else to make us realize why we need to love ourselves. That's why women are so strong for their family, because the struggle comes from the heart. I let my ego get in the way of what meant the most to me, because in prison it's all about proving yourself. I allowed my emotions to react in certain situations that could have cost me my freedom. This is why I'm still fighting my case trying to get out of prison, when i should have been thinking of ways to stay out of prison. If a man does not learn from his mistakes then he's a fool. The law can make a thousand mistakes just waiting on you to make one. I had to learn the hard way over and over again which is why they gave me 3 strikes to figure it out. The decision to do right or wrong is always in your hands. Either you change your way of thinking or your way of thinking is going to change you.
Group Discussion
What defines true happiness?
Has there ever been a time in your life when happiness wiped away your pain?
Do you think he was getting in trouble to escape his anger?
At what point in your life would you say enough is enough?
Do you think it's necessary to have a blissful moment in prison? If so, explain.
Has there ever been a time when someone changed your life to another direction?
Name at least two incidents that made you so happy you cried? If not, the imagine one.
How does feeling happy affect your thinking?